Tuesday, November 6, 2007

i HATE pretzels!

- It is raining and cold.
- I will shortly be leaving for a seminar for which I have done no reading and during which I will have to pinch myself/bite my tongue every few minutes so I don't fall asleep.
- I am a generally irritable person.
- I hate pretzels.

Waiting in line at Bruegger's (if you think about the spelling of that name for long enough, I swear you will go mad) I was confronted with a sign advertising what I think is probably one of the worst ideas in the history of food:

AH! Who thought of this?!?! He deserves to be force-fed a hundred pretzel bagels until he turns into a giant pretzel bagel and gets eaten by seagulls! Seriously! Pretzels are crunchy and bagels are soft! Soft and crunchy things DO. NOT. MIX.

I can just see the meeting at which all the Bruegger's executives are eating Dunkin' Donuts and munching on pretzels and patting their bellies and "brainstorming" ideas for new kinds of bagels. "Uhhh, Stanley, do you think we could we make a bagel out of these?" What will be next? Bagels made of carrots? Marshmallows? Lamb fat?

And, as if this all wasn't discouraging enough, I nearly walked right out of the store when I saw the pathetic ad campaign. It's a close call between who is more misguided: the Bruegger's crew for coming up with this grossness or the ad agency for writing an ad campaign that a class of 1st graders could probably have written. . . and for a lot less money.


Sarah said...

it's amazing how you and sam are so similar.

"soft and crunchy things do not go together!!"

sorry this is my first comment josh...sam says you love them.

Anonymous said...

All pretzels are not crunchy. There is such a thing as soft pretzels and they are usually served warm. They are usually sold at concession stands and carts at baseball games and so forth. They can also be found in your supermarket's frozen foods section.
I happen to like pretzels- both the soft and hard kind, though I respect your disdain for them. As for me, I'll have to give Bruegger's pretzel bagel a try.

Anonymous said...

If you think you hate soft pretzels, you have clearly never tasted the best fresh, hot soft pretzel at Auntie Anne's® Pretzel.

You should get yourself one soon. In fact, Auntie Anne's is Celebrating its 20th Birthday by hosting a FREE Pretzel Day on February 2nd from 10 am - 4 pm.

If you don't believe me, check out their Web site.

Anonymous said...

omg me and this bro think alike i hate pretzels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aka robert