back in action

In the words of Ms. Spears, "It's been a while."

I am finally back home after 10 wonderful days on the road -- expect several Road Trip-related posts in the coming week.

Today, though, was all about the traveling: 3-hour drive from Western Kentucky to Memphis, Tennessee; 2-hour flight from Memphis to Charlotte, North Carolina; 2-hour flight from Charlotte to Boston.

Of course, I hit the Annoying Kids on Airplanes Jackpot. As we were landing in Charlotte, the kid behind me (who, despite the fact that he was definitely older than 5, was inexplicably strapped into a car seat contraption) howled "Everyone was Kung Fu Fighting. Everyone was so excited." -- punctuated with dramatic grunts in between the two sentences -- for about ten minutes straight. At one point, he paused (I waited, holding my breath, hoping he had been suffocated by the flight attendant) and asked his mother, "What are the words again?" She cackled with laughter and reminded him of the lyrics; I broke through the "we aren't going to acknowledge each other" wall with the plump woman sitting to my right, exchanging exaggerated rolling eyes.

THEN, on my flight to Boston, this sunburned, overcaffeinated 7 or 8-year old sat next to me with his father. To give you an idea of what we are dealing with, this kid was wearing one of those frat boy Abercrombie shell necklaces and his nasally voice made him sound just like Karen from "Will and Grace." He was upset with the fact that even though his ticket said "19F," his parents were making him sit in the middle seat so that his older brother could sit by the window across the aisle. He repeated the mantra "But my ticket says 19F" over and over and over as his father alternated between ignoring him and muttering "Stop being a baby, Andrew."

At one point, the father stared at him with the faux-wrath of a professional wrestler and said "Next time we book flights we're going to make sure your seat is in a middle seat in the middle of a plane by yourself and we're going to make you sit in it."

"Really?!," Andrew the Terrible asked through his tears. His father didn't respond. Andrew waited about a minute and then asked for his PSP.