Monday, December 8, 2008

if i were a blond

Whenever I am sitting in the chair about to get a haircut, I have this momentary vision of doing something completely INSANE and dying my hair blond. It's always the same fantasy. I imagine telling the bubbly haircutter with jangly (don't think that's a word, but it stays) earrings -- after she asks what kind of cut I'm looking for that day -- that I WANT HER TO DYE MY HAIR BLOND. She'll do this quick little recoil (I didn't peg him as that kind of daredevil, she'll be thinking to herself) before she smiles at this fun little chance to dye some lanky kid's hair blond in a boring day filled with rote trims and routine colorings. Then when it's been done I will text all my friends some sort of understated text (obvi the best part) and they will all be like "omg srsly?" and then i will send them pictures and they'll be like "i can't believe you did that!" and it will be this whole long back-and-forth. Because nothing is more fun than lots and lots of text messages! People on the subway would be like "whoa that dude looks fly" and I would be this totally different kind of guy who just does what the hell he wants (= Tattoo Josh, basc). Eventually, of course, it will grow out and my dark hair will come back and there will probably be some upsetting period of time when my hair is like half-blond/half-black or whatever. But eventually that would pass and I would no longer be blond - but it would be fine because it would feel sort of like when you come back to school after a week in Puerto Rico and everything just seems like less of a big deal.

This fantasy flashed before me on Saturday afternoon as I sat in the chair. Of course, when she asked what I was looking for, I said "just your basic cut," and life went on. I looked into the mirror and realized, as I always do, that it was just as well. The idea of having to dye my eyebrows to match makes me really uncomfortable.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is a real word!

jan•gle, vb.: 1. make or cause to make a ringing metallic sound, typically a discordant one. 2. (with reference to nerves) to set on edge.

noun [in sing.]: a ringing metallic sound.

DERIVATIVES: jan•gly, adj.

ORIGIN: Middle English (in the sense "talk excessively or noisily, squabble"): from Old French "jangler," of unknown origin.

The more you know ...

Anonymous said...

[insert joke about carpet/drapes]