Thursday, August 13, 2009

9s on the meter

Even in a Life of Continual Awkwardness such as my own in which everything sorta blends together into one congealed awkward mess, I have become aware of two distinct scenarios that keep recurring, both of which come in at around 9 on the "Duboffian Awkward Meter" (scale: 1-11):

1) I keep finding myself in situations in which someone asks me and a friend (let's call her Rose) something to the effect of: "So, how often do you guys hang out?" or "So do you guys see each other a lot in the city?" It's this weird thing because it's this ostensibly innocuous question but - in the seconds after it is asked - I find that I'm (in a "life flashing before your eyes" kind of way) all of a sudden evaluating my WHOLE FRIENDSHIP with Rose, like I am thinking about that dinner we had in Soho and the time she flaked out on movie plans and the long e-mail exchange we had about "True Blood." And then it's awkward because you have to, all at once, try to a) read what Rose is thinking about the whole thing and b) determine who is going to respond, all while you are thinking analytically about the friendship! It's even more awkward (we're talking blatant stammering and eye contact aversion zone) when you don't WANT the person asking the question to know how tight you and Rose are. You do the little "flashes before your eyes" evaluation, share a coy knowing smile with Rose and then you just both kind of mutter something or look away. "Oh, yeah, every now and then...," Rose says, "Josh is just so busy, you know?"

2) E-mail chains: so fun, right? So fun. But lately I have found that like, about once a week, my e-mail chains get gum stuck to their soles (work with me here) as someone unintentionally responds in the chain just to me (intending to write to the whole group). I NEVER KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS.

Do I...:
a) forward the e-mail to the other people originally on it, CCing the sender (Tyler) and writing something like "Tyler, looks like you were dozing off at the mouse again?" (that classic question)
b) respond directly to Tyler with a trying-so-hard-to-be-casual "Oh hey, think you sent that just to me, um...?"
c) do nothing and wait for Tyler to either realize it or not realize it while I nervously click on the chain over and over again as I bite my nails?

Usually I am too stunted with indecision/anxiety to do anything other than option c.

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