"media WORTHY justin BIEBER video"

About two weeks ago, I got an e-mail from someone named "Kyle" with the subject line "Boy Asks Bieber To Prom." The e-mail was short - explaining that a guy had made a YouTube video in which he asked Justin Bieber to be his date to prom - and it ended with a link to said video. "OK," I thought to myself, "This dude must be spamming blogger types with a link to his video. And, while it seems a little early to be inviting someone to a springtime prom, this is probably harmless."

But the next day I got an e-mail from "Devon" called "Justin Bieber News" which included basically the same message (with a few minor changes to sentence structures). Since then, I have received the same e-mail every day, though each comes from a different sender (the most recent missives have come from "McKenzie," "Ciara" and "Jade") and has a different subject line ("Prom Fever," "This could potentially be a BIG story," "Justin Bieber's Popularity").

I had something of a panic attack a few mornings ago when I checked my phone after waking up and saw I had gotten one at 3am ("EPIC Justin Bieber story" from "Larissa") - I leaped out of bed and set up a spam filter for all e-mails with "Bieber" in the subject line and hoped that would be the end of it. But, as if this multiple personality disorder-inflicted spambot could read my mind, the next e-mail came into my inbox the following day (from "Morgan") with the subject line "Kim Kardashian News." Still the same content about the kid asking Justin Bieber to prom... but with a trickster-y Kim K. decoy subject line!

I must admit I've had a few daymares about being 70 years old and still getting these e-mails every day. I refuse to actually watch the video itself for fear of some "The Ring"-style repercussion. I've contemplated writing back to one of the addresses (they all come from AOL accounts, of course) demanding for the e-assault to end, but have restrained myself from engaging with the enemy.

Perhaps one day I will come to actually tolerate or welcome the e-mails - in what would be a sort of online version of Stockholm Syndrome, I guess - but for now, I will continue to cringe every time I see the red "(1)" on my iPhone, desperately hoping that "Laura" or "Tori" or "Nicki" won't be waiting for me on the other side of the click.