I'll be telling a friend about a heated back-and-forth I had with someone at a meeting, getting increasingly animated as I recount what each of us said (likely giving the other guy some kind of grating, weird voice). When I've reached the denouement, I'll say something like: "And then I was like... you are being so absurd right now."
At this point, there's typically a brief pause (it dawns on me that there's probably only a 60% chance she was paying attention the whole time). Then, invariably, the following: the friend will ask "Wait, did you actually say that to him?" And I'll say, "No" ("of course not" implied by my facial expression). "I just sort of mumbled something into my coffee and took out my phone."
Maybe the friend will then offer some sort of generic response ("next time he does that, you should say..." or "that sounds super stressful") and I'll nod and repeat "yeah, that makes sense" a few times. Or maybe she'll tease me ("what are you gonna do, blog about it?") and I'll give her a mock-offended glare and she'll launch into a story about something that happened to her. In either case, as I fiddle with my iPhone case, I'll wonder why I even bothered telling the story in the first place. Keep something to yourself for once.