1. A few years ago I drunkenly told my friend that I thought his boyfriend seemed "kind of iconoclastic," which was not at all what I meant (I think I was going for "vain") and made absolutely no sense in context, but I think I just liked the idea of saying the word "iconoclastic" at a bar. My friend kind of shrugged, and something about that exchange has stayed with me forever since as a sort of minor private shame.
2. It dawned on me during a phone call the other day that over the past six months I've adopted a completely gross habit of
caveating every other sentence I say with "... if that makes sense." Not
only does it make you sound totally willowy (idk), it's also, of
course, implicitly fishing for an affirmative response: so, double
3. I've noticed that it doesn't matter who you're talking about or what
the situation is, if you refer to someone as "humorless" in
conversation, the person you're talking to will nod emphatically in
4. It's hard not to be suspicious of anyone who uses the word
"lovely" too much. Whenever I say it, I feel like I'm doing a bad Mariah
5. Recently I was walking into a bagel place
with a friend of mine. I was setting up a story and, every time I'd pause,
she'd nod and say "yeah..." After a few of these nods, I looked up at her
and asked, "Oh, you know where I'm going with this?" "No," she said.
"I've just been saying 'yeah.'" This made us both laugh weirdly hard,
and by the time we were finished laughing, we were in line to order and the
story had evaporated unfinished.